Moodiness

I had a moody couple of days, but happily I’m feeling much better today.

It was odd, almost like it hit me all at once how much my life was going to change. All I could think about was all the things I will not be able to do — feeling a little trapped, I think.

Things will change. But I am confident that I will enjoy many of the new things just as much as the things I’m “missing out” on. And for those things I really miss, I can still do those things occasionally with the aid of a baby sitter.

I also couldn’t help thinking that Sean’s life would change less than mine, and yes, I know that’s untrue, too. And really, Sean is more likely than I am to want to stay home with the kid(s) if I were to want to go out alone. I also know that once there are actual kid(s) in the picture, I probably won’t want to leave much.

The holiday, as well as the dreary weather, are I think partly to blame. I kept thinking of all the things I won’t be able to do next year, or even that I couldn’t do now. I’m too tired to go to all the places I would have, I can’t drink alcohol, I can’t eat much in the way of “outdoor bbq” type food — and next year I won’t be able to do much of that either. (Though again, with the upside: there are lots of things I do that are awesomely child-friendly, and will be so much fun. Friends at the winery will love having another little one around for holidays.)

But I went out last night, and got to watch fireworks hidden under an umbrella with good friends, listening to my husband and his band practice for Sunday’s rock ‘n’ roll bbq (they’re covering a bunch of AC/DC songs, which is hilarious and was great background music for fireworks). And I got to laugh a lot, and come home when I got tired and eat a sandwich and relax until Sean got off work, and all and all had a really nice evening. And today I really do feel better.

It was very strange though. I am typically a relatively positive person, and for about two days I just felt down — it wasn’t entirely illogical (ie, while I’m sure hormones are partly to blame, it’s not like my feelings had no basis in reality), but it didn’t go away with the same logical “upsides” that I’ve written here. Sean knew I was down, and made food and tried to cheer me. He kept asking me how I slept, I think suspecting that was the cause (and actually, it’s not a bad call, I have been sleeping pretty poorly the last week or so). But I felt low pretty much way all the way up until I went out last night.

The only thing I can think to close with is a cliché: Maybe laughter really is the best medicine.