Newborn Daze
Everyone seems to talk about how busy an infant will make you. All the feedings, the diaper changes, the soothing of tears, the loads of laundry…all the extra little things you’ll need to do. And they’re not wrong, exactly, it really is a whole new set of responsibilities you’ll need to learn and then (hopefully slowly) try to incorporate into your normal routine so you can get other things done as well.
Oddly though, rather than making me feel more busy, I find that Lana has made me slow down. I can’t rush her through a feeding, or hurry through soothing her, at least not if I want either to be effective. I’ve spent more time staring at her face, or sitting with her asleep on my chest smelling her head, or trying to keep her from gulping milk and getting even more air in her little belly: I have to do things more slowly, calmly, and patiently than I maybe would have before. It forces me again and again to stop and wonder at her very existence.
I haven’t started working again yet, at least not really (a few small things here or there) so I have no idea how this sort of slow-down effect will change work. Will I try to work faster to hurry up and get back to baby? Or will the sort of zen-like peace I sometimes find while holding her translate to a slower, calmer approach to other things as well? I know that when Sean comes home from work he always spends time holding her, or staring at her if she’s sleeping, touching her little hands — reconnecting with the reality of her. Every time I’ve gone to the store I’ve missed her.
Now this isn’t to suggest that things are all peace and rainbows: Lana has her fussy moments, too. Sadly her pediatrician thinks she has silent reflux (ie, basically the same kind of reflux adults have, where she is in pain but not actually spitting up) which has certainly been trying at times these first couple weeks while her digestive system grows and tries to sort things out (luckily it doesn’t happen with every feeding). It’s hard to see her in pain and really not be able to do much about it. (We’re trying lots of things to help, I may go into them in another post.) The good news is that her digestive system is still growing, and it probably will sort itself out without any medication or other intervention from us (all infants have some sort of digestive adjusting to do, though many do it without seeming pained by it) it just takes time. She’s growing and gaining weight, which is the important part.
And she’s lovely, and charming, and so sweet tempered and easy to get along with. I occasionally have to stop and recognize with awe that somehow she’s ours, that we are responsible for this amazing little person. It’s hard to believe it’s not even been three weeks yet.
And as an excuse for another Lana pic, a little something for Michelle (a picture I took last night):
Elephant power!
