I Can’t Believe It’s 7 Weeks

It’s amazing to me that it’s been 7 weeks already, life is a bit of a blur right now. I wish I could photograph thoughts and feelings, keep them in a more tangible form than mere memory.

I remember buying a jug of milk just before Lana was born, and thinking that by the time that milk was expired I’d have a baby.

I remember looking at the carseat in the rearview mirror and wondering what it would be like to actually have a child in it.

I remember wanting desperately to be able to have a beer and not feel guilty about it, though now that I can in the last 7 weeks I’ve had about two (I’m sure I’ll have more, of course).

__

Today I was sitting on the couch watching Star Trek DS9 (the episode “Sons and Daughters” actually) while a baby slept nestled against my chest and neck.  And I realized I wanted to be able to remember the feeling, the smoothness of her cheek, the smell of her head, the comforting warmth of her weight, the peacefulness.

__

It’s been a good week, though as I said, it’s been a bit of a blur.  Lana sleeps best on me, and I’ve grown more accustomed to being mommy-bed.  It’s good when I can manage to nap with her.  Happy baby.

No actual pictures to post today, I’ll try to get more up soon, though.

Ups and Downs

Lana is six weeks today, and of course is adorable as always.  This time our obligatory pic has a better sense of scale, since she’s laying in Daddy’s lap while he sits cross-legged on the loveseat.

I had a bit of a rough night Monday night.  Sean was at work, and I was at home with Lana, who was mostly being cute and in a good mood.  She started making a little gulp-y noise, which I think is a signal that reflux is bothering her (bear in mind we don’t have an absolute diagnosis here, it’s just that she fits a majority of the common reflux symptoms and that’s what the docs think is happening–she’s gaining weight so we’re supposed to just wait it out) and her little face just crumpled and she started to cry.

She had already eaten, but I offered bottle and breast anyway (she tends to cluster feed when she’s reflux-y, drinking smallish amounts often, I think it helps keep the pain/acid down) and she wanted neither, but she kept sucking on her hands and making other hungry gestures, in between times when she was arching her back and crying.  I tried offering her the pacifier but that was also a no go.  I checked and changed her, and carried her and rocked her, and while I could get her to settle down for a brief time here and there, even into moments of sleep, a short time later she’d grimace and arch and kick and start to cry again.

At one point, when I had her soothed enough that in the middle of all this she smiled up at me, I started to cry.  She was exhausted, circles under her eyes, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to really make it better.  I needed to pump, and to finish laundry, and to eat, and to sleep: and all I could do was hold and comfort her, but not effectively enough to fix the problem.

Luckily Sean had an easy night at work, so when he got home he was up for taking care of her, and let me sleep.  I know that sleep deprivation makes anything seem worse than it is — and I honestly wonder if that’s not part of Lana’s problem as well: it seems to me she doesn’t sleep as much as she should.

And then for the next two days she was fine, wonderful: easy to soothe with only a couple of reflux-y episodes (she actually spit up once, which is a rarity for her as usually she swallows it back down if it happens) and even her reflux-y times were easy ones (froggy position on my chest, head turned to one side while I chilled on the loveseat: magic for these two days).  I felt better, because she felt better.  But then this morning she was inconsolably upset, woken out of what seemed to be a deep sleep with hard crying.  Sean changed her, cuddled her, offered food, and carried and comforted her until he had her soothed back to sleep: a process of several hours.

And she woke up late this morning for her meal, and smiled and giggled (during which I took the picture you see above).  She ate, and is still sleeping peacefully.

From what I’ve read, the LES (the sphincter at the bottom of the esophagus that keeps tummy contents down) often matures by about 9-12 months or so.  Since her reflux is mild let’s hope she can outgrow it sooner: I prefer having a happy and comfortable baby.

(By the way, if someone finds this post looking for baby reflux help, let me direct you here instead.  I found a lot of the information there useful.)

Five Weeks (pics)

I’m going to have to stop counting off her life in weeks at some point (her dates will make fun of her if I don’t), but expect it to last for at least a little while longer.  Maybe it’s a leftover from the “week” counting I was doing during pregnancy.

Anyway, posted only a day late, a couple of pictures at five weeks old:

And no, that’s not gas.

Single Digits

The cold is radiating through the floor.  I never thought I’d be looking forward to temperatures in the 20’s, but the high tomorrow is supposed to be 27 and I can’t wait.  Right now I think it said it was 4 degrees.  And the low tonight? -1. Brrr.